"Happy" 60th..

If my Mother was still alive, she would have turned 60 today. In my recent reflections, a song kept coming to mind. It haunted me, in fact. Every moment I wasn't occupied with something else, it would pop back in. I heard it in the background of my dreams, no matter what was happening.

It was a song my Mother used to play when I was a child (and still living with her). Usually, when a song consumes me like this, it means/meant something to me. There is no doubt my Mother loved music. She introduced me to Rick Astley (I actually LIKE being "Rick-rolled"), Taylor Dayne ("Honey I'll beeee your shelt-ah...") and the Beach Boys ("Kokomo"!!!) to name a few... but there was obviously a frame in my memory attached to this song that I wasn't connecting the dots on.

I'm the type of person that can do something (whether it be wash dishes, play a game, hear a song, etc) and I can tell you what I was thinking the last time I did that. This has been both good and bad for me, as you can imagine. I had to listen to this song probably a dozen times before it came to me..

When I was about 5 or so, my parents had a typically crazy fight. If I was awake, I sat there just wishing it would stop and praying it would be over soon. My Father left afterwards. He always did. I would venture to the living room to check on my Mother. This particular time, she had switched on the record player (shows how old I am, huh?) and put this song on.

She was just sitting there, staring off into space while I stood there watching her. Finally, her eyes settled on me. I froze. Most times, she would tell me to go back to bed, yelling until my stubborn ass moved. That didn't happen this time. Instead, she took a breath- and burst into tears. It wasn't the first time I had seen her cry and it certainly wasn't the last breakdown I witnessed, but somehow the look in her eyes got me. This woman was so strong in my eyes, but there are times when even the strongest people you know need to cry it out. I sat there next to her, not knowing what to do, until she finally wiped her eyes, hugged me, told me she would be okay and sent me back to bed. This song was on virtual repeat the entire time.

For you, Mother, as you are celebrating your birthday with the angels.
I love you and miss you more every day.
Happy 60th Birthday, Mama.

Grow Up Already! -Rant-

I have been friends with C since high school. Well, if you want to call it that.
C is one of those people that will call you incessantly if she needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. If she is in crisis, everyone has to rally around her. If you need her? She's nowhere to be found. You text and get no response. You call and no call back. You do whatever you can to help make her life easier but heaven forbid she go out of her way to help you. she won't even call you for your birthday, but she will get upset if you don't want to drive the 4 hours to visit her for hers. Everyone says, "Well that's her." Well then, she is a selfish ass that I don't need to be bothered with anymore.

Now onto my sister. She barely acknowledged my 30th birthday last year. She said it was no big deal because no one got to celebrate their birthdays. Ummm... You made a huge deal when your friends turned 30. Everyone gets a party but me? For the record, she is already planning her 30th, which is another 3 years away. When I complain, what am I told? "She's the baby." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! She is 27 years old! It's time to grow up already.

The most ridiculous part about all this is these two are the ones who are always telling me how to live my life! Both seem to have this idea in their heads that I need 'help' and they are the ones qualified to give it to me. They always give me relationship advice (which, if you knew these two, is a joke!), parenting advice (neither has kids nor is even close to it), the list goes on..

WHAT?!

I don't talk to my sister often anymore because I'm tired of her stupid opinions. It's sad because we used to be close. I have given up on C because I'm weeks away from 31 and it's time to rid myself of excess baggage. It's time to shake off the people who aren't worth having around anymore.

Have you ever had to limit contact with someone? Why?

I Think This Is The Beginning...

..Of a beautiful friendship.
It's time to buckle down and get to improving myself. I've waited to bring this baby home for eons! I had to wait for both money and time to put it together..

Meet my new baby:

Pic Courtesy of Dick's Sporting Goods

I haven't picked out a name yet (or a gender for that matter), but my new workout buddy and I had a great 30-minute session today. It's about time I got my butt in gear! My knee (holy arthritis pain batman!) is pretty pissed off right now. It gave out on me and I almost tumbled down the stairs, but hopefully it will get used to it. Now, I have no excuses. I don't have to drive to a gym and deal with a thousand (okay maybe 20 or so) stares as I huff and puff through my mile.. I can do so in the privacy of my own home with only Mini trying to use it as well.

Here's to starting on the journey to the new me!

A Time To Be...

This week, I was at two family events: a christening and a funeral. That has never happened to me before and it struck me as a little odd, but very "that's life". Here is my friend's son, 3-month-old A with endless potential just starting his life and there was my Great Uncle F, an 89-year-old Army Veteran who served in World War 2 and was playing online chess with his own son just over a week ago.

A Time To Be Born and A Time To Die

Last Sunday, I held A as he giggled, cooed and cried. He is a happy baby, doing his best to hold his head up and start standing. He is so ready to just be mobile and get going. I thought about how much potential I was holding in my arms at that moment. It's the same feeling I get whenever I hold a baby, including when I held my own. This child might be a doctor and find the cure for Multiple Sclerosis (fingers crossed!) or he might be a firefighter and save a life. He might be a tax agent or an office bigwig. For now, his limit is the crib but soon it will be the sky. I hope the world is kind to him and he gets everything he wants out of it. I was snapped out of my thoughts by a phone call.

As I passed A off to his Mother, I answer a call from my adopted Mom. Great Uncle F passed away that morning. I remember visiting him when I was a kid. He was always so happy to see us, laughing and joking, offering us food.. It was a 2-hour drive to see him, Aunt A and Aunt M, but it was always worth it. We used to get Pizza Hut then there would be some bakery dessert. As a kid, that's food heaven. Here I was at a christening, receiving funeral arrangements. Immediately, I wanted to go. I knew it would be a 2-hour drive there to be there for 2 hours then the drive home, but I didn't care. I wanted to be there. I wanted to see Uncle F and offer my condolences to Aunt M.

Uncle F's obituary was available online and as I read it, I was reminded of all he will be reunited with in the afterlife.. Grandpa (his brother) and his other brothers, Great Grandma, his sister and even his daughter. I decided not to be sad because he is being reunited with his family right now. Pictures of A's christening remind me that when one life ends, another one begins. It's been quite a week. Life is precious. Hug your loved ones.

How is your week going?

This Is Me... Dying of Embarrassment

Once in a while, I like to take Mini out to dinner. It's not usually anywhere fancy being that she's five and all, but we do go out. Last night, I decided to take her to the Smoothie Cafe. If you have never been there, I highly recommend it. They are awesome and it's one of our favorite places to eat. 

We had done some shopping and were getting a little tired, so Mini suggested the Smoothie Cafe and I shrugged and said, "Sure why not?" Excitedly, Mini skips through the parking lot. I tell her I would like to take the food to go this time and ask if she minds. "Nah. We can go home." YES!

She orders, I order and we wait. We have been watching a few Olympic sports at home so she runs over to the flat screen near the opposite counter. Men's Diving is on. 

"Mommy is that the Olympics?"

"Yup. It's diving."

"They have a pool, Mommy. That's called swimming."

I explain the difference and she keeps watching. *BING* Our smoothies are done and we are just waiting on our food. 

She is watching intently. "Mommy..." 

"Yeah?"

She points to the screen at a swimmer who is a little more *ahem* "equipped" than his teammate and says rather loudly, "Mommy, that man has something on his vagina!"

My jaw drops. I think to myself 'yup that just happened'. I just say "I have no idea how to answer you right now."

The man behind us starts to laugh, then buries his face in his phone, typing furiously. He was probably sharing my daughter's observation with his nearest and dearest. Red-faced, I try and ignore what Mini said and ask her what kind of chair she wants in her room to read her books on. She wants the saucer chair we saw but didn't get. 

*BING* 

OH THANK ALL THAT IS HOLY THE FOOD IS DONE! I take the bag and hightail it out of there. Out of the mouths of babes... comes red-faced embarrassment for the parents. That's how the saying goes right?