Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A Lot Can Change in 12 Years

In 12 years, I can see 3 leap years.
In 12 years, I can watch an entire decade come and go.
In 12 years, I can see 3 Presidential terms.
In 12 years, I can go from 18 to 30.
In 12 years, I can get married and have a child.
In 12 years, I can build my dreams up only to have them snatched out from underneath me.
In 12 years, I can build my self-esteem up only to let some jackass tear me down.
In 12 years, I can miss my Mother more every day.

Today, 2/2/12, is the 12-year anniversary of my Mother's passing. She left this world after battling pneumonia. I know what you're thinking. No one dies from pneumonia nowadays, right? Right, unless they are also battling Multiple Sclerosis at the same time.

I am used to doing things on my own. When life shakes my foundation and rocks me to my core, I do my best to pick up the pieces. You can't expect others to fight your battles for you. No one can tell you how to grieve. I had the ability to get through February 2nd every year. In June of 2007, I had my daughter. February of 2008 was the hardest anniversary I had yet. It breaks my heart my Mother and my daughter will never meet. My daughter is my Mother's first grandchild. She might even end up being the only one. She has cousins through my adopted family and my Father's other marriages, but none directly related to my Mother. Heartbreaking.

When my Mother passed, I was in my Senior year of high school. Now I'm 30 with a child. My marriage is on the rocks. If you had told me around that time that I would be where I am today, I probably would have punched you.

A lot can change in 12 years. That can be a good thing or a bad thing.

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