I have a friend who always hits on me. We have not seen nor spoken each other in 10 years. He was with this person who I absolutely hated. Him being with her cost us our friendship. He found me on facebook a few months back. He will not stop hitting on me. He keeps asking me to be with him. I tell him no. I have asked him to talk to me like a normal person. Our conversations always quickly steer to the fact that he wants to be with me. I keep telling him it will never happen. I set some ground rules.
1. Limit compliments. You have not seen me in 10 years, how do you know I still look or act the same?
2. No pet names. I call all my friends Hunnie, but he takes it too seriously so I decided to nix pet names.
3. Stop talking about the future. My here-and-now is all up in the air and a mess.
4. No sex talk. You are not using me to get yourself off.
5. Communicate. Talk about real things going on in your life, not just what you think we would be doing right now if we were together.
When we finally get a conversation going, he says "I'm going to go before you stop talking to me. Goodnight sexy." Then he signs off without anything else. I remind him of the ground rules constantly. He says "Ok. I'll be good." Yeah right. He tells me if he leaves a conversation in the middle of it, it will leave me wanting more and I will miss him and pine for him in his absence. Sorry, no. He doesn't get that we don't know each other at all anymore and things that he might think are funny might just be stupid and pointless to me. Ten years is a long time and the difference between 20 and 30 with a crapstorm of life happening in between.
I was having problems with my computer already when he messaged me a few days ago. His message stated that he couldn't message me because he was busy. Seriously. I said he was a loser then asked what the point of that was. I didn't give it a thought until he messaged me later saying "If you knew me at all, you would know I was joking. I have been nothing but nice to you and I don't need this. Later...."
I wrote him back and reminded him of the ground rules I laid down and that we don't know each other and he won't allow me to really get to know him. I told him it's hard to be friends with someone who treats you like that. He wasn't being 'nice'. He was doing exactly what I asked him NOT to do.
I asked a male friend why this guy would do something like this. He said flat out "His ego won't allow him to accept that" while his brother chimed in that he might just be a "stalker". I understand that. I know men have this crazy need to hunt, but if the prey is shooting at you, why wouldn't you give up? How much telling off do you really need before you finally give up?
I guess the good to come in all of this is that he finally stopped talking to me. It's a weight off my shoulders. Writing this was my closure.