Mini started school this week. I had no idea it would be so hard for me. It's not so much that "my baby's growing up *sniff sniff*", it's more "I'm too paranoid to trust these strangers to keep her safe". I knew my paranoia was going to bite me in the tuckus though..
I have done my best to keep busy, but to no avail. It pains me to admit I was so depressed, I ended up napping all afternoon all three days. That's how crappy my coping skills are. Sleep is my remedy for anything. Sleeping helps pass the time. My phone is near me, in case the school calls, but I have chosen to ignore life. The crappy weather hasn't been helping my mood much either. My body and my emotions are in full-on rebellion mode!
Yesterday, as I cleaned and got my house ready for company, I did a lot of thinking. I can't do this to myself anymore. Yes, napping always makes me feel better.. It's my go-to stress reliever.. But the avoidance isn't healthy. Sleeping all afternoon is just not helping at all.
I have made a list of things I need to do this week and I am determined to figure out how to deal with this in a sane way plus my birthday is this week which will help a little with a distraction. I now have time to finish all those projects that I want to, but don't want Mini in my hair while I'm doing them, so I'm doing my best to look on the bright side of things:
*I can finally set up my "office". I got a brand new, obnoxiously big desk (LOVE IT though) and my stuff is just kind of thrown on there. I can finally bring some order to the chaos.
*I can Pinterest my way through my crafting supplies. I found the tutorial on how to turn an old t-shirt into a scarf. My sisters and adopted Mom liked them so much, they requested some for Christmas! I can get them done early..
*I can scrapbook! The second I pull out the scissors and glue sticks, Mini wants in. She loves making projects. I like subway art and found a ton of printables for Fall, my favorite season. I want to collage them all and now I can on my own!
*I want to make the protein powder I just bought my bitch. I can Google and Pinterest til my heart's content for recipes and actually MAKE THEM without someone clamoring for a taste then complaining about it.
*I can rearrange Mini's room. Little by little, we worked all summer to transform Mini's room. There are a few different storage ideas I have for her stuff though. She balks at any idea I have, but when I just do it, she loves it. I now have the time to do that!
*My house will stay 50% cleaner! Mini wakes up, dresses, has breakfast then gets on the bus. When she gets home, she has a snack and this week, will have homework. By the time we are done with dinner, she is one tired kid, yet seems to have an insane amount of energy still. However, with her gone from 8:45 to 4 everyday, there will be no mess made during those hours!
I hope this next week will be a little easier than last week. My brain just always fears the worst and that's just something I need to work on, but at least I can acknowledge that. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?